Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
