On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
