Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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