i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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