he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
