I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize