If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
