I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
