You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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