Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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