I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
