My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
