Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
