The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
