.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
