Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Found your dick twin last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
