Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
