im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
