its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
