it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
