I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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