Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
