I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
