He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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