That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
