I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
