I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize