dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
