The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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