There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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