I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
