Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
