did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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