It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
