Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize