i already hear my dad disowning me
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
