Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize