We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
