If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize