We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Little spoons don't ask big questions
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
