my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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