I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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