I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize