I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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