dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
