i can't believe i had my finger in that
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
