new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
