there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
