Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
