I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
