bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
