I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize