Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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