His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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