then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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