It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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