I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
