so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
