Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
