I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
