After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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