Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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