I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
