Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
