Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
