Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She said her name was "party"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
