Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
