mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize