Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
