just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
