I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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