You're completely useless in the revolution.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
