Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
