Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
