Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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