just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
