p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
