and she was petting her beer can
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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