well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
