PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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