So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
