Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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