You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
