When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
