All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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