We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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