I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
