As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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