I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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