I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
