Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
