my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize